The Hardest Working Salesman in Mexico

April 9, 2010.

Yes, it's been awhile since I posted.  I have no idea where the time went, except to say that everytime I seem to have a free minute I get sucked into Facebook, CNN, other blogs....or my new obsession Weeds.  I really have a problem, I am like an addict, I keep sneaking on over to Netflix and watch an episode....an intervention may be in the works. 

Even though I am not in sales, I do sales - I sell myself, my business, my products every day.  Any small business owner gets what it means to "pimp" themselves out there.  I don't mean that in a bad way, but you need to talk about your business, your products or give your company mad props when talking to a prospect.  I know at times I have probably been obnoxious, talked too much and been overly enthusiastic about um ceramic baby products.  However, I can not hold a candle to the recent sales pitch I was privy to, it took selling to a new level.

The Time Share Pitch

We just got back from a family vacation to Cabo San Lucas, Mexico.  The trip was fun, it was relaxing, it was hot and it was expensive.  To help minimize our costs we agreed to go to a Time Share Sales Pitch and in return we would get 15% off all drinks and food, 40% off all activities and a free massage for me.  Having not done this in almost 15 years we thought it might be informational.  It was only going to take 90 minutes of our time.....the gentleman at the front desk, the consierge, the staff entertainment, the hotel operator and even the man who took us on the tour promised.  They all lied.

9:30 a.m. Hello Time Share People

We arrived promptly with our two children in tow at the consiere's desk.  The consierge introduced herself then checked that we had our driver's licenses (to ensure we did not go through this excersice again....okay?)  and she made sure we had a major credit card (why?  I guess 'cause they thought that meant we could charge the luxury suite they were going to show us...um kay.)  She then escorted us across the street to the sales office.   She then handed us off to another woman.

This woman also looked at our identifications and then our credit card.  She asked what we did for a living, she smiled at our children, wrote down our names on a sheet of paper.  She took notes quickly.  She confirmed this would take 90 minutes.  She smiled and continued to grill us about whether we had been to Mexico before, had we stayed here, did we own a timeshare and had us sign off that we KNEW we were going on a sales pitch.  Um....okay yes we knew all that - let's get this party started.  She then informed us the 90 minutes started as soon as our salesman came over.  We waited a few more minutes and then the real fun started.

9:43 a.m. Dan Daniels from Chico or Oregon

Our salesman, or guide was an American Citizen living in Mexico.  He was maybe in his mid 50's with salt and pepper hair, bright green eyes, tan and was wearing a Hawaiian print shirt and khacki's.  He had on no wedding ring, a small cross tattoo on his right arm and chest hair peaking out of his shirt.  It was not "used car salesman smell" I got a whiff of as soon as I met him, or the way he pumped my hand hard when he met me that made me dislike him.  It was his laugh.  He had the fake, but hard laugh down to a science and was able to not only laugh at everything he said, we said all while patting one of us on the arm, the shoulder or our heads (the children's that is, had he patted me on the head I would have back handed him).  It was also his demeanor, he gave us the hard sale from the minute we met him.

As soon as we told Dan the age of our children he annouced he had a son that was 10 (what a coincidence!) and that his daughter was almost 7 also (well he could not decide if she turned 8 in a week or a month....then he just laughed hard at his mistake).  As we took a trolley bus to the property where we would eat our free breakfast and to view the property he told us what a great opportunity this was and we should do it, but if it ws a bad deal he would be the first to tell us.....more laughing.  He said early on in our tour of duty with him that if we could not afford - just say the word and he would take us back.   He claimed he had driven from Chico to Mexico 20 years ago to sell timeshares with his step father.  Then the story changed to include Oregon before we sat down to eat.

At breakfast he talked about his children and his wife and how they built a house earlier this year (or last year), how he took his kids to the beach to snorkle.  We were told to go get our food at the buffet, but we could only go ONCE, we did not have time to go again.  He then asked us to fill out a questionaire about our finances, our likes, our dislikes and our home address, phone number, email, blood type.  I was lucky enough to fill it out because Danny Mc Dan Dan was busy assuming my husband was a graduate of USC and pumping him about how important coming back to Mexico was for our happiness.....laughing hard again.  If he said it once, he said it 14 times (I stopped counting after that); "Don't do it for me, do it for yourself.  You deserve it!"

10: 49 a.m. Truth, Fiction or Wishful Thinking

Then, while walking to see the sold out property (which I still have no idea WHY we would go see something sold out) he annouced he had a 15 year old son too.  His name was....Daniel too, more laughter.  This boy quickly turned into a teenage daughter that needed her own space when they traveled.  At one point he somehow fathered two more children that were going to college and he was paying $7,500 a year for them. 

Mr. Dan Daniels also had anywhere from 1 to 4 siblings, he was in the army (or the Navy) when he was 18, 19 or 20.  His grandparents lived on a farm, his parents took him on vacations, wait no later on they never took him on vacation, but they went alone.  His parents were divorced, his parents were married, his step father was alive, or he died, or maybe his father died.  His father lived on a farm, no....his grandfather lived on a farm.  He was making tons of money...no wait his income was off by 50%.  He owned 1, 2, no he meant he owned 5 different properties all over Mexico because the deals were SO good, he could not help himself.  The iorny was that even though he could not keep his story straight he rattled our names off like bullets everytime he spoke, Jamie, Darin Grant & Abby.....over and over.

11:18 a.m. The Actual Price Tag

After we looked at the $125,000.00 SOLD OUT Presidential Suite, the $35,000.00 Studio Closet and the $60,000.00 Junior Suite, he kept talking and stalling.  The price changed from "this would cost you $400 a night" to "You can not get this for under $600 a night...hardy har, har, har" as he slapped my husband on the back no more than 4 times in 4 minutes.

His stall tactics were in no particular order;  stop and look out over the balcony, show us a fishing boat, point out Lover's Beach, point out the original Time Share property he worked for, the beach, the waves, the other properties, the ocean, the pool, the beach, the cruise ships.

After we were told the price tag I announced we could not afford it.  I went as far as to tell him we had no funds to pay for this at this time.  I went on and on, how we had not been to Mexico in 3 years, and he was wasting my last day there.  Darin was nicer, he said we had always thought about it, but now was not the time.  I was quickly going from Bad Cop to God Damn Nasty Bitch Cop.

11:56 a.m The Last Straw

We took the trolley back to our hotel, then he took us into another building to show us another Time Share that we could own.  This one was only going to cost us $28, 000.00.  He made the mistake of showing us a one bedroom studio  - we were staying in a 1 bedroom suite that cost us less about $200.00 a night....on Expedia.  At this point I was fuming and kept saying we could not afford this.  He then took us to the sales office and started pointing out once again places on a picture of the Mexican Coast.  He tried to get our kids to go into a room with 5 other kids fighting over a video game system - my kids were too smart and they said no.

We were then taken to a table to go over the price again....but wait, I could not sit where I wanted, he strategically sat Darin to his right and made me sit on Darin's left side.  The children were near me, at this point I handed them their Nintendo DS and told them to play.  Danny Boy then walked away to get his briefcase.....to let us discuss the purchase I can only assume.  Throught gritted teeth I told my husband I was done, it was over two hours and we had listened to his pitch and I could not say NO any othere way without using swear words, tears or my fists.  My husband was more amused than I was and smiled an all knowing smile at me.

Dan Dan the Tan Man (the one nickname I did not make up...this was his email address) sat us down with a pad of paper, his calculator and started scrawling possabilities.  The first one had us writing him a check for $14,000.00............um NO.  The second one has us paying $700.00 a month to pay off a 30 year loan.....I started to get more irrate.  No, no, no.  My husband conquered that was way too much.  He then cut the cost of the Time Share in half and asked if we could afford $400 a month, $610 a year in mainteance, $2000 something in taxes and oh we could use the Time Share every other year....the loan would be paid off in 30 years. 

At that point I lost my cool, "Listen Dan we have told you No a number of times and we can not afford this, nor do we want to purchase this.  My business is down, we have children that may go to private high school and we have college.  In no way are we buying a timeshare from you. How about you just give us your business card we will talk it over and if we decide to do it - we will call you?  This is our last day here and we would like to enjoy it."  His response....."So, let me get this straight Jamie (hardey har har) there is no number that can get you to say yes, is there?"  "NO."

12:09 p.m. The Closer Comes Over

Suddenly our nice laughing salesman has turned into Dan the Dick.   He yelled for Melvin to come over (or Ruben, or Fred at this point I was not sure who he was yelling at.....I called him The Closer) to just go over some Q & A to confirm that he did a good job with us (to quote Dan).  He seems to have lost his cool at this point and was no longer laughing, joking around or even smiling.  He just sat there and tapped his foot and his pen while yelling every 30 seconds, "RUBEN I need you over here!"  Once The Closer came over Dan popped up, said good bye and then he patted my children on their head's and called them "Braces" and "Red".....um okay.

The last ditch effort was that after this guy asked us a few questions about Dan Daniels he then started to try and sell us a 2 week, 2 year deal for about $2000.00.  My husband then said NO.  I crossed my arms and said no.  He asked us if there was any way we would purchase this.....both of us said NO. 

12:16 a.m Closure at the Pool

We finally ditched my husband and made it to the pool by lunchtime.  I let the kids jump in the pool as I tried to frantically flag down a waiter for a much needed drink.  Darin was left in the sales office trying to iron out our 40% off activities (oops the ski do was closed today - so sorry) and my free massage (oops - you have to go over to the hotel and reserve it THEN go back when they are ready, and it's outside in front of everyone...no phones senora) and our exra free drink tickets (screw it - I did not need them!). 

After a few hours at the pool and a few cocktails we started to tear apart our salesman and go over his discrepancies, the actual cost and the sales technique (or lack there of) that he used. 

My children are even able to mimick his fake laugh and we were amused by his ability to keep fathering children as the morning went on.  Sadly, we also discussed whether any of what he told us was true, whether he had a wife or any children at all.  This made me sad, because I assumed that was probably what he wished he had.

All kidding aside, I had to give this guy credit for trying so hard.  Darin said that Dan had guts and that he got told 9 times out of 10 but every day he kept at what he was doing.  It was a hard job and he probably worked on straight commission.  I started to feel bad for him, not bad enough to purchase a property or EVER sit through a presentation again....but a little bad.

Comments

[Alyice Edrich]

That is the EXACT reason I won't do those stupid presentations, even for the "Free" vacation. Too stressful, too.

[kyooty]

I remember wen I first got married we went to one of these time share Dealies early on. I left the place crying because I was so homesick the only place I ever wanted to travel to was my island.

[Reuben Sabbage]

My family and I had a very similar situation in Cabos Mexico. I really was interested in a purchase, not at that time though. Our hour in an half turned into 4 hours with no less than 5 different Sales people assaulting us. I finally politely asked to give me their E Mail and number and i will get in touch at a peaceful time. I was rudely told no if we do not close on the spot the deal was off. I said i do not do business this way and i needed time to go over everything and still they refused to give me an E Mail and Contact. I finally stood up shout a loud in a room full of about 30 Americans. There is nothing more to be said keep your gifts I want out of hear NOW! They quickly escorted me out. It really ruined our day. Cabos is a lovely place the Mayor and Governor are destroying it letting this happen. I was later told at the pool if i really was interested in a purchase to buy on line at half the price from another owner.
Please do not do it!
Reuben Sabbage
New York, New York

[Jamie Lentzner]

Thank you for the comment. I have heard the same thing that it is very common place for them to push this on you. It was not worth the hours we lost.