August 22, 2011
I have been thinking about this post for a long time and I had it all planned out as to what I would say, what photos I would show and how in control I would be. This post, however will not be as I imagined. First off I broke my camera and the two I borrowed are still packed in some box. And, this is sort of like all my pregnant friends that spent hours on their "Birth Plans" expecting their labor to turn out like they wanted it to. I have found that life is never what we expect it to be. I never believed in a Birth Plan myself, it was sort of like if I wrote how I would like it go, I assumed that it would go exactly the opposite. Murphy's Law and me we got a good thing going and things pretty much never turn out the way I expect it to. Not to say that it usually works out in the wrong long term, but I laugh at the people that have their life all mapped out. I don't think life can be mapped out, no matter how hard I still try to map it out. Hell, I have recently been forced to accept the fact that I can't even use maps very well.
Moving Out of My Comfort Zone
So, here it is I moved and not just around the block or to the next town over. I moved 2 1/2 hours away to a whole new area code and a whole new lifestyle. This from the girl that was never leaving the Bay Area, the girl who rolled her eyes at others that left and always swore I was staying put no matter what. Well guess what? No matter what or a specific matter came a calling and made me look at a number of things and I had to eat crow and put my tail between my legs and say to people, "Never say never."
My family and I moved and my business is moving up in two days. We put the business on vacation for two weeks to hopefully get me situated and now I am supposed to be ready for it to come to me. My few remaining employees will be staying in the Bay Area as I prepare for the holidays alone, possibly hiring one employee to help me out. Manufacturing will stay in the Bay Area for the time being and we will work within our means to keep our customers happy.
The space we have for the business is good sized and it will hopefully be able to grow back to where it was in the pre-recession days. I am almost nine years into this adventure and I am thinking that whatever happens, then that was what was supposed to happen. I no longer subscribe to the Self Help Books, the Seminars or the quick fix to getting your business successful bullsh*t. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but it means nothing to me. If we grow big again, then great, if we don't then so be it. Life is too short for me to spend 14 hours of each day obsessing on my business. My children are growing, people I love have left me or left this world entirely. It is only a company and this is only a job. I still love what I do, but I no longer let it run my life.
One of the other reasons for not blogging was that I could not put into words how much moving has affected me. Leaving an area I lived for almost 42 years of my life was harder than I ever thought it would be. I know people that have moved some 32 times in their lifetimes and others that move every two years for work - but that is not me. I was settled, I was a local girl and I loved where I lived. Let me rephrase that, I loved the people that lived near me. I still love those people and even after two short weeks, I so do miss them.
I talked a good game to friends and family, always touching on all of the positive points about the move and focussing on what we would gain, instead of what we would lose. I only teared up a few times in public or in front of my immediate family. I kept those dark sad times for when I was alone and I cried about who I would miss, I cried for my children and I cried about the unknown. I let myself be sad for the changes and I still get choked up once in awhile here in our new home.
Except, whenever my children would cry or express their fears I shut it down, way down. I was able to not cry and talk them through their rough times. Something deep down in the Mommy that I am, I kept it together for them. I had dogs with explosive diareahea from the stress of the move, I had family members that were hysterical and I had friends made me cry just by a simple text about how they would miss us. I am not made of steel, nor do I pretend to be. I just forced myself to be "in the moment" and look ahead and not behind.
We Moved in, but not Settled In
It has been two weeks since we moved into our home and in my crazy world I would think we would be settled and calm. This is far from the truth. The garage is still full of boxes and no one can figure out where I put the bowls for breakfast (for the seventh time they are in the center island!). We have had workers here every day and we have found that movers are a very interesting creative bunch that will wrap your my china in my son's bedding....not kidding. I have also found that getting lost in a strange town is not that bad. For the most part strangers can be very friendly. It is humbling to rely on the kindness of strangers when you just need a fly swatter.
I spent months second guessing myself and I wondered if this was really the right decision for our family. I agonized over if this was right for our family or was it the right time to move. Right before we moved a friend said something to me that made me thing we had made the right decision; "You actually did it. You did what we all talk about doing some day. You really did it. I can't believe you made the decision and you stuck with it. Good for you and good luck."