The Whole Dr. Phil Truth, the whole Truth and Nothing But the Truth

October 15, 2009.

It has been almost 24 hours since I saw myself on the Dr. Phil Show last night.  In Northern California it airs at night, but I had already heard from friends across the country what was said, and how I looked.  I can't even begin to explain how surreal (and very uncomfortable, even after a glass of wine) it is to watch yourself on TV, hear your voice and to know  the show was edited.

 

 

Behind the Scenes at Dr. Phil

After the make-up artist, the hair person, the handlers and the producers all got us guests gussied up and wound into a total heart-beat freaking out panic, they escorted us down to the studio.  My husband could not come, we were told to leave our cameras/cell phones/purses in our room.  Heather Armstrong was told to stay put, me, Jessica and a woman named Melia (sorry about spelling) were marched down some stairs to where Dr. Phil was filmed. 

Once the three of us got to the back of the stage a producer type with an earpiece started dictating where we should stand and who was in front and behind us.  Oh wait, let me back up - there was a gaggle of women with purses laughing, giggling and holding pieces of paper standing in front of us.  They were all very animated and I was clearly confused.  Who the heck were these women? Why were they clutching their purses and how come none of them had their hair and make up done?  Who told that one to wear the tight tan suit with crocks?  Jessica informed me they were from the studio audience and were NOT guests.  I was still a bit baffled as I did what I was told by Gaffer man.

Stay At Home Mom's Over Here.....Working Mom's Go Over There!

If a camera had been on me when they started dividing us up by whether we worked or did not work you would have seen me start to panic.  I was seriously starting to sweat when I figured we were going to be in the audience (what?  I thought I was a guest?) and when I saw that the Stay at Home Mom's by far outnumbered us working mothers - I freaked.  The gaffer/producer dude was yelling at us to move from one side or the other.  I was having flashbacks from grammar school, like PE when the damn dodge ball team was picked.....I was a 40 pound weakling who was knock-knee-ed, guess when I was picked?

We were told to stay in our line (I was last - go figure) and we all walked down more stairs to another behind the scenes/seating area location to wait to be called up to "practice" where we would sit.  As we are all standing there one woman (I will call her Babs) whowaswearing a too tight suit, had dyed blond hair,and her roots growing out started asking questions to the group.  In a somewhat high squeaky voice she started quiet, but then got louder as the crowd answered the questions the way she wanted them too, "Who's a stay at home mom?  Are you a stay at home mom?  Raise your hand?  You are? Woot! Woot!  You are? (high fiving the ones that were) Yeah!!".  The women standing near hera with their hands up and their faces smiling with delight and glee.  Then Babs gave them the rally call they so needed, "Yeah!  Us Stay At Home Mom's we are going to RULE this!"  I was annoyed.

As I told Jessica (who was in front of me) she (Babs) did not KNOW me, she did not know who I was - I had a blog dam nit....and I was not afraid to use it. Then I started thinking, since when was it us against them?   I did not sign up for this.........I was gritting my teeth by then.  The only saving grace was that when we all got our microphones they passed on Babs.  She was all aflutter, since she was told (as she repeated) that she was getting one.  I am not embarrassed to say I was thrilled by this turn of events - but I was still petrified of what I was going to endure once I got out on stage.

The Fun Has Just Begun

Us "special Moms" all stood in the back as Dr. Phil talked about the topic.  One by one he said hello to us and one by one most of the Mom's were placed on the SAHM side.  I waited, smiled until it got to Jessica and then she said her now infamous quote, I was shocked.  I did take a step back, if you watch I turn to look up to the audience and I literally mouthed to my husband who was sitting there, "WHAT THE??"  His response ......he was laughed and cackled like a hyena - so glad he came. 

Frequently Asked Questions About the Dr. Phil Show "Guilty Moms"

Did Dr. Phil ask you those questions? Did you talk more?

Dr. Phil went to me first and said my name (edited out) and he asked about a post I wrote (edited out) regarding these stay at home mom's who said mean things to me.  I did not have any idea that I was first, all I knew from producer #2 was that I had to hit on the points about the blog when Dr. Phil spoke to me.  I said the quote, "Can't we all Get Along (channeling the great Rodney King)" - it was edited out.

Girl why did you not jump on her or throw your chair at her?

Had I know the topic and how Jessica felt I may have been more witty and more prepared for a bitch/slap girl on girl fight (doubtful but a strong possibility).  The truth is, I did not (and do not) want to be remembered as that beeotch on Dr. Phil who went crazy on a SAHM.  I know that Youtube is forever, and I know you can edit things to look one way....and I know someday my kids will not be so keen on all that I have said and done.  I also realize that I am not going to change her views and she sure won't change mine - so what is the point of throwing a few swear words and evil growls her way?  I do care what others think, and though I may be considered a bitch - I am not that big of a bitch.

What were you really thinking when you did that eye roll facial twitch thing?

I have no frickin' idea what I was thinking, heck they could have filmed that at a break or when I was begging everyone around me for a mint (I was).  I know I was shocked by Jessica's comments, I know I wanted to say something but only if I sounded articulate.  I now wish I said more - but I can live with how I was portrayed.

Was she for real?  What do you think about the show?

Having filmed it, seen the edited version and had sometime to think about the show I do have some thoughts.  I am surprised in this day and age that these polarized views are still out there and that we spend time arguing about them.  I was told by the producers that she was sincere and that she meant everything that was said - I don't know if that is true, but I am going to have to take it at face value.  I do know that her come backs and one liners were pretty crisp and either she is brilliant on her feet or she had an agenda for the show.  Either way if you check Dr. Phil's blog, The Huffington Post or lots of other forums on the web you will see Jessica got the conversation going, and going and going.  No one even knows my last name (which is fine) but they ALL know hers.

I do wish I had said more, I wish I had been a little more brave and shared my views and what I did for a living, but such is life.  I think I have a unique situation and something that other parents could learn from....but that will be my next talk show I get invited to be on.  Right?

Comments

[desiree]

Jamie....
I've been both! And, it still bugs me that women attack each other over their choices. What worked for me at one time in my life doesn't work for others or myself at another time. I wish we could be more supportive of each other and choices that are made instead of judging each other...seriously we aren't getting anywhere with that.

[Sharon]

Jamie, you did great! I've only seen a few clips but you carried yourself well and respectfully shared your point of view. I'm sorry the producers misled you about the show. Dr. Phil had no intention of bringing mothers together. His business is about fueling the debate, any debate, because that makes money for him. This tension among women will continue until we decide to change the conversation ~ How can each one of us live our best life for the sake of ourselves and our families?

[Marcie]

Jamie, you were in a nutshell "FAB-U-LOUS". You were poised and in control of yourself and that will leave an impression for your children to see, for years to come. By the way, your lipstick matched so wonderfully with your teal blouse.

I have been both a SAHM and a full time working mom. Truthfully I felt so much more pressure from single women in the work place about how I couldn't put in as much blood and guts as they could because I had to leave to pick up my children up at daycare by 6pm. And I would get the sneer and "cha" when I had to leave early to pick up a sick child.

You can try your damndest to be a supermom but something had to give for me. I couldn't take the backstabbing from those other women that I worked with, the accusations that I didn't work as hard as they did, even though I worked through lunch while they took their 1-2hr sushi breaks.

I ended up quitting a very nice career to be a SAHM. But really I was not a happy SAHM, and found the monotany of cleaning urine soaked toilets from boys who couldn't aim for anything, unbearable and depressing.

So I picked a middle ground much like you have and that has been the key for me. Although now I tend to get sneers and "chas" from the SAHM's with their french manicured nails and well dressed "GAPKIDS", when I mentioned that I have to work so can't make it to the PTA meeting. But with this part time gig I am able to drop the kiddos off at school, get some time to fulfill some of my dreams and then be there in the carpool line to pick them up in the afternoon.

I don't think it should be a debate with SAHM vs. Working Moms. It is a tradegy that we can't support eachother as women with different circumstances. As no two of us are the same or has the same responsibilities to adhere. Nor are our financial lives the same so we should not in all rationality make a generalized judgement about another woman as some of those women seemed to do on the Dr. Phil episode.

You did not point fingers you only stated your position in life and for that you did say enough for many of us.

[kelly rightsell]

Hi Jamie, I thought you did great! You looked great also. I don't think my teeth would have met their criteria...When it's all said and done, the bottom line is that being a mother is the hardest job whether you stay at home, work full time or part time and we should all respect and help each other any way we can!!!

[Elyse]

Jamie,

You did great! By not stooping to her level, you showed who was the better person. As a SAHM, I support your decision 100% and I wish society didn't make us feel like we have to choose sides.

[Tina]

Jamie! That was weird. I watched the show and my jaw hit the floor when I saw what they were doing (obviously not known by you).
I was so proud of you! I even paused it and told my husband that you write this wonderful blog to help other moms. Anybody who reads your blog knows what a great person you are and you did sooooo well! I wouldn't have been able to say two words.
Its very eye opening to see media behave in this manner first hand. You did girl and don't regret NOT throwing your chair at Jessica. :)

[Lea]

Jamie!!! OMG! I just saw a commercial of the Dr Phil repeat and saw your face! Just watched it above, and you did GREAT! I'll have to watch it tonight and see the whole thing. That's CRAZY that you were on Dr Phil!!!!
XOXO
Lea