October 11, 2009
I am sure you all recall I mentioned it about two months ago when I was flown to be on the show, blah blah - the red lipstick post? Heather Armstrong? Jessica? Everyone I told about it kept asking if I actually went on air wearing the death/blood red lips. The answer is NO. I wiped it off even before the make-up artist could see me. I was horrified - as I am sure I scared the be-jesus out of poor Heather Armstrong who I was speaking with at the ass crack of dawn. The red lipstick was not filmed, I repeat I did not have the ghastly look of I suck the blood lipstick on when I met Dr. Phil....enough said.
I May Not Be Ready for Prime Time
So if you go to the Dr Phil site you can see a brief synopsis of what the episode is about. I am curious how they edit it, I am curious if I am edited out - I am hoping that I sound intelligent. A few factoids and information about the episode:
- What happens on the phone with a TV Producer does not stay on the phone. It is not like Vegas, whatever you say can and WILL be used against you....on the air.
- Dr. Phil is very tall and calm and NOTHING phases him.
- It is flipping freezing in a studio where a TV show is filmed and there is a live audience
- It is hard to talk when you heart is beating so hard you can hear it in your ears
- People say the darnedest things on TV
- Not all publicity is good....or it may not even turn into publicity
- Some people (okay women) I meet irritate the crap out of me on sight
- Some audience members are down right crazy
- Oprah Winfrey has the best looking audience ever.....no other show compares
- I find it hard to be witty and sound intelligent at the same time
- When on National Television it is a good idea to NOT be totally honest about your all your beliefs.
- Take notes when you tell someone something - they may ask you to repeat it
- What Dr. Phil says to you off the air is not the same as on the air
- Think twice before asking your husband to go with you to the Dr. Phil Show.
- Saying a prayer every night that I will not be some foot note on The Soup may or may not help
The Interview Process Begins
When being interviewed to be a guest on a show you may encounter many, many strange questions. I don't know if that is the case with every producer, or every show but for me and getting me approved to be on the show, that sure was the case. I had to jump through hoops, answer questions over and over and give an all over description of my looks (tattoos, piercings and facial hair to boot) for one interview. Here is a brief time line of how the three days before they "booked me" for the show went early in August:
The Seed is Planted
Monday night I was checking email and I saw one from another contributor from the Silicon Valley Mom Blogs. It asked if I had ever been attacked by Stay at Home Moms and if you had, Dr. Phil wanted to hear about it. I emailed her back and said, "HELL YA!" (okay no I did not, but I said yes) and forwarded her the blog post I wrote about it happening to me once, twice, three times a lady. She introduced me via email to a producer at the Dr. Phil Show and I went to bed.
Oh My What Have I Done?
Tuesday morning at the office I got a call from a producer (let's call him #1 shall we?) who had read my blog post (he loved it) and wanted to talk to me about what had happened. He asked me numerous questions, wanted deets on scenarios and laughed at appropriate times. He said that a senior producer may call me to get some more information.
Later that day, Producer #2 called, but she was more like a senior producer or #1 - but I am not sure. She had me re-tell the stories I had told #1, she asked more questions. I talked, I went on and on. She also laughed and took notes (I found out later). She then told me that another producer would be calling for some background information on me.
The third producer called me and we gabbed for almost 40 minutes. She was funny, she was totally enamored by my blog post...we were BFF's right away (she has not called since but whatever). Anyway since we both went to SJSU and were both sorority girls we had an instant kismet - even though I was like 20 years older than her - but it was all good.
She asked my age, my height, my religion, my political affiliation, my weight....yes she asked my weight. I had to give a description of my hair, my face, basically I had to swear I looked like the photo I sent. They asked if I was married (yes) , if we lived together (yes), if the kids lived with us (sometimes...no I meant YES), if I drank (no, but answer was yes), if I did drugs (no), was I ever arrested (no), in jail (um NO!), in a mental institute (does my house count - I mean NO!). I had to tell if I was mentally ill, if I was stable, if I took any medications. The best part was answering questions about.....my teeth. The teeth questions were my favorites:
"Are your teeth crooked?" no
"Are your teeth grey?" no
"Are your teeth brown or chipped?" no
"Are your teeth crooked or cracked? Are they straight?" no and HELL NO and YES - I had braces dammit! (starting to wonder who the guest are that Dr. Phil has on the show with all this talk of teeth)
"Are you missing teeth?" What? Oh my god no.
"Are you sure?" Yes I am sure!
At the end of the conversation #3 asks me if I have a burning question for Dr. Phil. I think, I pause, I roll my eyes I am stuck. I mean I don't have issues, I don't have problems I want discussed on National TV - I am racking my brain for what to say. Seconds turn into minutes and I finally blurt out, " I would ask Dr. Phil what the hell I am supposed to say next time these Stay at Home Moms say these really mean things to me." On the other end of the line I swear I heard a chuckle or a grunt - but by a MAN. I ask # 3, "Um, excuse me what was that?" She says, oh nothing....nothing. Back to 20 (I mean 100) questions.
Producer #1 called later that day (if you are keeping track he was not the senior producer lady, but the first dude to call me). I had to go over more stories, re-tell the comments made that I blogged about and then he asked if I knew any of the mean blogger comments I got on my original post. I said no, but in my head I said yes. He wanted to know if he could contact them.....um no he could not. And I swore (lied) that I did not know them. I discussed my business, my life, my situations with stay at home mom's and their opinions of me.
I May Need to Go Hyperventilate and Put My Head Between My Legs
The morning of day two starts with Producer #1 calls again, only to tell me (and I quote) I am fabulous....ah shucks. We go over the same stories again, and again and then he asks for new ones. I try but I am stuck - I swear I can not bitch about this any longer. We talked for almost an hour.
I was asked if I had my kids in Day Care? (no). Did I hate Stay at Home Moms? (no). Did I hate working Moms who put their kids in daycare? (no). Did I think Moms should work? (it is up to the individual). Did I hate day care? (what? no). But why? (what?) I mean why you did not do it? (uh, just cause I did not do it does not mean I hate daycare. My husband and I did not choose to do daycare). So you hate Daycare? (WTF? No, no, no just nacho cheese....I mean not my choice - to each is own okay?).
I should have started to figure out what or who they wanted me to portray - but I did not. I repeated over and over that yes I worked, but only when they were in school and as an owner of a business I had that freedom. I was trying to stay honest, trying to stay true to me but I was also being torn and did not want to come off as a hater of ANY Mom. I mean who cares what you do - as long as it does not affect me or my children - we were all gooood. Right? Wrong.
Hollywood Here I Come
At the end of the day I got a call from #3 and she was calling to let me know I had been chosen to be on the show. She told me when I would be flying, where I would be picked up, who was with me, how much I could expect to get reimbursed and that she could not tell me anything else. OH wait, she said one thing, "A semi-famous blogger may (or may not) be on the show also". Ah......okay? I mean hell I could be considered semi-famous, so could half the blogosphere. When I asked if I could tell anyone on Facebook or Twitter she said........NO.
As soon as I got off the phone I contacted the original blogger from the Silicon Valley Mom Blogs and told her the news. She emailed back, "OMG I think I am the stay at home Mom on the show". Okay - that helped a little. I then ran into my husbands office and asked begged him to come with. He agreed and we arranged for him to fly out later the same day.
Either on Facebook or Twitter I got wind that Heather Armstrong was going to be on Dr. Phil too. Coincidence? No. I had not read her blog in a long time and when I went over to Dooce and guess what I found - yep, she was on the show too. And the show was not what I originally was lead. It was the Mommy Wars, the SAHM vs. us WAHM or just us Working Moms - it was war baby. I was so screwed.
You are a braver woman than I am! I sooo remember your post because it came shortly after I got attacked for one of my working mom posts. That was a rough month for working moms on SVMoms, wasn't it? Ouch!
Can't wait to see how it turns out!
Posted by: Lawyer Mama | October 11, 2009 at 08:53 PM
I saw Laurel's FB post about your upcoming appearance on the show, so I set my DVR today so I wouldn't miss it. I think you did an excellent job, especially since you didn't knock out that crazy SAHM! I'm a SAHM for 14 years now and I so DO NOT share any of her ideas! Crazy, crazy woman! I have never understood the mommy wars....simply ridiculous as we all are doing the same thing....what's best for our kids and family.
I enjoyed reading your post about your journey to the show. Thanks for sharing!
Posted by: julie b | October 14, 2009 at 06:50 PM
I was there too. Working mom who stood up and rambled, cause I ramble..you were FABULOUS!! My husband even said so!
Posted by: Julie @ Angry Julie Monday | October 14, 2009 at 09:29 PM
Haven't seen you on the show because I don't care for Dr. Phil. But if I can bring myself to watch him, I'd like to see you on there. I remember your post because I'm a hybrid Mom (work part time from home as a consultant to a university), but anyone who sees me at school thinks I'm a SAHM. Just want to say that I never knock the working Moms and I frequently watch my friends' kids for them when they have to work (and many of my SAHM friends do the same for me). We're all in this together people. I have no idea why the people where you live were mean to you. Maybe it's an area where all the moms stay home so they don't get it? Also I know that I sometimes tell my working Mom friends that I'm embarrassed when I see them at school drop-off b/c they are showered and look nice and I don't. That could be a factor too. Or they're just jerks. Always a possibility! Sounds like you had fun going on Dr. Phil.
Posted by: Erica Cosgrove | October 15, 2009 at 05:49 PM