August 22, 2009.
So, I have had some time to digest the events of the last week, I took notes for once. If you read Dooce, or you follow her on Twitter you may have known she was a guest on a show filmed earlier this week. This story has a point - though it may be long and filled with angst, trust me read on:
Heather was on the show, she tweeted during the show. I. was. on. the. show. too. Now I don't mean I was just in the audience (well I was sitting there, but wait, all the guests were) I was literally a guest on the show.
How Did I Get Here?
A. In March of 2008 I wrote a post for The Silicon Valley Mom Blogs. I titled it "Dear SAHM's", in hindsight I should have titled it, "Dear a Few Select (not everyone) SAHM's at my children's School". I made a few errors, and boo-boos's when posting. It seems I may have linked to a SAHM that baked cookies and some thought I meant her, others read the post and assumed I was a SAHM hater. Others then turned on me saying I should shut-up and just deal with. I did get some support, I think I got a number of Mom's that had similar things said to them. Anyways - the post got a bit of attention and everyone got all fired up.
Okay - so on August 13th, late at night (this year of course) I was checking email and I saw an email from a fellow writer for the Silicon Valley Mom Blogs. The email said that the Dr. Phil Show was looking for Mother's for an upcoming show:
Do you feel guilty because your work schedule limits your availability to
your kids? Do you spoil them to try to compensate for time you're not able
to spend with your children? Do you take them on expensive vacations or
supply them with the newest gadgets to try to distract them from your
absence? Do you pay for extracurricular activities that you wouldn't
normally because it will give them something to do while you're not there?
Are you a working mom and feel constantly judged and criticized by the stay
at home moms? Do they make you feel guilty for being a working parent? Do
they believe that moms should stay at home with their kids? Have you had
enough of their snarky comments? If this sounds like you and the moms in
your community and you want to discuss this with Dr. Phil, send us your
story! Please attach a current photo of yourself and your family
National TV Baby!
I responded to the query - and highlighted the ones that fit me, just in case you did not KNOW. I sort of knew the woman who sent it - we had traded amusing comments on our posts, tweeted each other and we were Facebook friends - and you know how tight FB friends are. I sent my SAHM post and next thing you know I was introduced to the first Producer. He called me once, twice, then three times. I spoke to a producer who screened me, which is a whole other post, and asked a gazillion questions. I spoke to another more senior producer who asked me more questions - sort of the same ones, yet in a different way. Then the next day - same thing, more questions. By early evening on Thursday, August 15th I had a plane ticket, a hotel room and I was going on The Dr. Phil Show! Moral of the story - start blogging, like now, now wait I do have more:
So Smooth, I am So Smooth
When I got booked for the show the producers gave guests, or just me - who knows, maybe they heard about my clothing choices - a list of do's and don'ts for TV. Some were not surprising, no stripes or large prints, others I had no idea about. I was told to dress as if I were going to church or a job interview. Damn! That vision of "hot artist mom" for all my ex-boyfriends to see was shot down by a vision of me dressed in a suit, panty-hose and pumps. And since I had not been on an interview in over 14 y ears I debated robbing my grandmother's closet, then thought about and went shopping. Oh well - I did my best and came up with 4 suitable shirts/sweaters that looked presentable with black or white pants. I was prepared I thought.
They flew me out the day before, so I had plenty of time to kill after I arrived, since the hotel served NO FOOD, WATER or ALCOHOL till 5:00 p.m. One problem I had was that the shirts ranged from royal blue, steel blue to teal. My lipstick of choice (and only one I had, that I have since lost)did not match - as my sister was so kind to inform me. I did not have time to get a new lipstick before I left. Thank God the hotel was connected to a Mall, so I went shopping - again.
Girls Just Want to Wear Make Up
The first girl I encountered at Sephora (in the lipstick department mind you) suggested and I quote, "Like uh maybe a nude gloss or light pink?" The look on my face must have said it all because she quick like talked into her hidden make up phone she had hidden behind her black/orange and yellow hair and said, "Ya, hi we have a situation up here. I need some lipstick advice pronto."
Soon enough a petite woman appeared in front of me. She had olive skin and dark black hair. Her make up was - uh, let's just say she had that goth look down pat. She looked at me, she listened to my "clothing choices" and immediately knew the color. She suggested a wine colored lipstick, a matte - and a lip liner. She pulled it out and started coloring on her hand, over and over and over. It looked like she was going to tattoo herself with the lipstick - but whatever, she was an expert. She asked if I liked it, I said yes. The color looked great. "Do you want to try it on?" I said, "No I trust you." Because you know the way it looks on her dark skin and my lips would be totally the same.
I May Be A Vampire
The morning of the episode filming a car came to pick me up. I had Darin (yes he came too so he could witness me incase I ended up on Talk Soup) grab my "chosen outfit", our bags and I followed him out of the hotel. Right before we left I put on my new fancy shmancy wine colored lipstick AND liner and ran out the door. Did I forget to mention it was 6:15 a.m in the morning? Ya, it was. So as I am flying through the lobby I see Heather Armstrong and her baby sitting on a bench. I knew it was her. I went up and said hello, told her I loved her blog (which is true but I did not want to sound like a total crazy stalker). I told her I was on the show too, we sort of chuckle over the topic and I was off.
I was feeling all smug and happy to have met her. She was super nice, I usually do no thave the guts to say hello. I am was no longer that nervous about the show. So on the 10 minute drive over I checked Facebook, texted my friend, checked email - the usual stuff I do while driving (kidding Mom I would never do that), but now I was being driven.
We arrived on the Paramount Studios lot, I was whisked inside by my handlers. They gave me my own green room. Although I was a bit disappointed it was not green - more like cream and tan - I had my own room! And even though I did not have a director chair with my name on it - which Darin pointed out between fits of laughter. I was told to make myself comfortable, stay here, have coffee. Everyone was all, "la la - you look great Jamie. Glad you are here Jamie, you are fantastic." They were so nice and I felt fabulous. As the handlers left, I took a look in my mirror, I turned and looked at the 6 x 6 foot mirror in MY room.
I.had.on.blood red.lipstick.blood red - NOT WINE.
I looked like I just drank the blood of a victim. My lips were the brightest fricking red I had EVER seen.
I had soooo arrived.